Viral Emails

How is an inconsiderate husband defined?
-One who wins a trip to Disneyland and never takes his wife with him.

How does a man help with the household chores?
- By lifting his legs while you vacuum and placing the newspaper in the right place.

What’s 50-50 relationship for men?
- Women cook, men eat; women, clean, men throw their trash anywhere; women iron, men wrinkle.

What’s the only way to oblige a man to sit-ups?
- Place the remote control between his toes.

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed
home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

“Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife
merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please
allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.”

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish..

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. -

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,

Awakened the kids,

Set out their school clothes,

Fed them breakfast,

Packed their lunches,

Drove them to school,

Came home and

Picked up the dry cleaning,

Took it to the cleaners and

Stopped at the bank to make a deposit,

Went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries,

Paid the bills and balanced the check book.

He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1P.M. And he hurried to make the beds,

Do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and

Mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and

Got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and

Got the kids organized to do their homework,

Then set up the ironing board and

Watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and

Washing vegetables for salad,

Breaded the pork chops and

Snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen,

Ran the dishwasher,

Folded laundry,

Bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished,

He went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to
get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:

-”Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my
wife’s’ being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us
trade back.”

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

“My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to
change things back to the way they were. You’ll just have to wait nine
months though. You got pregnant last night.”

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A young man lives in the future
An old man lives in the past.
For youth, it’s moving too slowly
For age, it’s moving too fast.

A young man dreams of the gladness
The years just before him will bring;
An old man dreams of his pleasures
When life held the magic of spring.

But youth and age are in error!
The present alone can convey
The joy and the cheer and contentment
We seek as we journey life’s way.

Today is the time to be happy!
No matter how young or how old.
It’s always today that must bring us
The blessings our fortunes unfold.

The first step in the search for truth is humility;

the second is humility; the third is humility.

Unless all other virtues are preceded,

accompanied and followed by humility,

pride will have its way in

and will destroy our good endeavours.

A Japanese tourist went to the Philippines for some sightseeing. He hailed a taxi and asked the driver to take him to the hotel. On the way he saw a Honda City pass by. “Honda very fast!” he yelled, “made in Japan!”

A little while later he saw a Mitsubishi Adventure speed by. “Ah, Mitsubishi!” he yelled, “also made in Japan!”.

Then a Isuzu Fuego swifly drove by. “Isuzu! Isuzu!” he kept on repeating, “made in Japan too!”

A Toyota Corolla overtook them too. “look, Toyota!” he now raised his voice, “made in Japan!”

The driver was really irritated but kept quite. Finally, when the taxi arrived at the hotel, and the Japanese saw that the fare was Php500.00 ($12.50) “Why so expensive?” the Japanese complained. “Meter very fast because it’s made in Japan too!”.

A husband’s credit card is stolen but he doesn’t want to report it—

the thief was spending less money than his wife!