Appearing online since early 2005, Chuck Norris facts, factoids and quotations on Chuck Norris just wouldn’t die. In fact it is growing and gaining new and younger following thanks to numerous websites and stores spreading Chuck Norris quotes and funny lines- it has entered into popular culture.

The facts are mostly funny if not silly hyperbolic claims about Norris’s toughness, attitude, virility, sophistication, and masculinity- even immortality! The guy’s a legend. Here are samples:

* “When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.” (The most popular and seen on shirts!)
* “When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn’t lift himself up. He pushes the world down.”
* “Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever.”
* “If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.”
* “Chuck Norris hides a third fist under his chin.”
* “They once tried to carve Chuck Norris’ face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn’t hard enough for his beard”
* Chuck Norris swims on land.”
* “When there’s a fire you stop, drop and roll. When there’s a Chuck Norris you stop,drop and DIE”
* “There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live”
* “It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.”
* “You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.”
* “Chuck Norris can divide by zero.”
* “Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.”
* “The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.”
* “There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.”
* “Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.”
* “Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.”
* “The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.”
* “When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn’t walk around people. He walks through them.”
* “Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.”
* “James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.”
* “Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.”
* “If you say Chuck Norris’ name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.”
* “Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. ”
* “Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendants now have white hair.”
* “Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.”
* “It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.”
* “When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.”
* “Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.”
* “Some people like to eat frogs’ legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.”
* “There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.”
* “When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.”
* “Chuck Norris can’t finish a “color by numbers” because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.”
* “A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.”
* “On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.”
* “Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.”
* “Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!”
* “In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.”

Here’s a website dedicated to ‘finding Chuck Norris’ online via Google but your ‘search’ will not actually turn up any results because: “Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.”