From Time Magazine: This year’s top 10 viral videos include a baby Darth Vader, a “nasty” honey badger, a 90′s crooner, an epic gigglefest and of course- Rebecca Black’s “Friday”

Note: Religious content

An Everyday Survival Kit
Toothpick
Rubber band
Band aid
Pencil
Eraser
Chewing gum
Mint
Candy Kiss
Tea Bag

Here’s why:

Toothpick – to remind you to pick out the good qualities in
others… Matt 7:1

Rubber band – to remind you to be flexible, things might not always go
the way you want, but it will work out… Romans 8:28

Band Aid – to remind you to heal hurt feelings, yours or someone
else’s… Col. 3:12-14

Pencil – To remind you to list your blessings everyday… Eph1:3

Eraser – to remind you that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s
okay… Gen. 50:15-21

Chewing gum – to remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish
anything … Phil 4:13

Mint – to remind you that you are worth a mint to your heavenly
father… John 3:16-17

Candy Kiss – to remind you that everyone needs a kiss or a hug
everyday… 1 John 4:7

Tea Bag – to remind you to relax daily and go over that list of God’s
blessings… 1 Thess 5:18

This is my gift to you. May God richly bless you.

To the world, you may just be somebody…but to somebody, you may be
the world.

WOMEN’S REVENGE
‘Cash, check or charge?’ I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
‘So, do you always carry your TV remote?’ I asked.
‘No,’ she replied, ‘but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.’

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I’m not going to understand women.
I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
‘It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.’
He addressed the man,
‘Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?’
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, ‘It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, ‘Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, ‘You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo–oo- ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ……… so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, ‘Relatives of yours?’
‘Yep,’ the wife replied, ‘in-laws.’

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day…
30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, ‘The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, ‘What?’

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, ‘I don’t know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
‘The wife responded, ‘Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, ‘You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, ‘You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.’
Wife replies, ‘No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.’
Husband replies, ‘I can’t believe that, show me.’
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ‘HEBREWS’

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
‘Please wake me at 5:00 AM ‘ He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM Wake up.’
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

Take full responsibility for your life.
Stop blaming others.
See yourself as the cause of what happens to you.

Do things you like to do.
Don’t stay in a job you don’t like.
Participate in life at the highest level you can.

Stop terrorising yourself with your thoughts.
Be gentle and kind and patient with yourself.

Give yourself the simple pleasures of life abundantly.
Wear clothes you feel good in, get a massage etc.

Watch what you say. Avoid self put-downs.
Stop being critical of yourself and others.

Take care of your body.
Give it exercise and good food.

Be willing to create a life-style that generates and nourishes self-esteem.
Associate with others with high esteem.

Acknowledge yourself frequently.
Keep a diary of your successes and accomplishments.

Avoid comparing yourself with others.
Remember that it’s who we are, not what we do, that’s important

Give yourself permission to do nothing periodically.
Schedule time by yourself.

Frequently take deep breaths.
Discover the benefit and pleasure of breathing fully.

Eat first class frequently.
Don’t look at the right side of the menu.

Stop trying to change others.
Focus your attention on being the way you want others to be.

Look into a mirror regularly
and say “I love you, I really love you”.

Stop feeling guilty and saying “I’m sorry”.
See mistakes as valuable lessons and avoid judging yourself.

Consciously generate positive thoughts and feelings of self-love
in place of old thoughts of inadequacy.

Be willing to laugh at yourself and at life.
Stop taking yourself so seriously.

Accept compliments from others without embarrassment.
Don’t invalidate their positive thoughts and feelings about you.

Be kind to your mind.
Don’t hate yourself for having negative thoughts.
Gently change your thoughts.

Keep your awareness and your thoughts focussed in present time
instead of living in the past or future.

Acknowledge others frequently.
Tell them what you like and appreciate in them.

Invest money in yourself.
Go to seminars, workshops and courses that develop your talents.

Make a list of 10 things
you love doing and do them frequently.

Treat yourself as you would treat someone you really loved.

Praise yourself.

BLESSINGS WE MAY NOT RECOGNIZE
Author Unknown

1. If you own a Bible, you are abundantly blessed – about 1/3 of the
world does not have access to one.

2. If you wake up each morning with more health than illness, you are
blessed to rise and shine, to live and to serve in a new day.

3. If you have anyone on the planet, just one person that loves you
and listens to you; count this as a blessing.

4. If you can freely attend a church meeting without fear, then you
are more blessed than over 1/3 of the world.

5. If you have a yearning in your heart to parent a child, you are
blessed because you still desire what you cannot see.

6. If you pray today or any day, you are blessed because you believe
in God’s willingness to hear your prayer.

7. If you pray for someone else, you are blessed because you want to
help others also.

8. If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof
over your head, and a place to sleep; all at the same time; you are
rich in this world;

9. If you have a brother or sister in Christ that will pray with you
and for you, you benefit from a spiritual unity, bond, and agreement,
which the gates of hell cannot stand against.

10. If you have any earthly family that even halfway loves you and
supports you, you are blessed beyond measure.

11. If you attend a church with a church family that offers you one
word of encouragement, you are blessed with some form of fellowship.

12. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, or some spare
change in a dish someplace you are among the world’s wealthy.

13. If you can go to bed each night, knowing that God loves you, you
are blessed beyond measure.

14. If you try each day to imitate our Lord Jesus Christ for even a
minute, you are blessed because you show a willingness to grow up in
Him.

15. If you can read this message, you are more blessed than about 1/3
of the world who cannot read at all.

16. If you have never had to endure the hardship and agony battle,
imprisonment, or torture, you are blessed in indescribable measure.

17. If you have a voice to sing His praises, a voice to witness God’s
love, and a voice to share the gospel, you are blessed. About 1/3 of
the world do not even know who the one true God is.

18. If you can hold someone’s hand, hug another person, touch someone
on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer God’s healing
touch.

19. If you can share a word of encouragement with someone else, and do
it with His love in your heart, you are blessed because you have
learned how to give.

20. If you have the conviction to stand fast upon His Word and His
promises, no matter what, you are blessed because you are learning
patience, endurance, and tenacity.

21. If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly
thankful, you are blessed because most people can, but many will not.

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?”

The Princess said, No!!!

And the Prince lived happily ever after…

and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted broads, and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and banged cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was freakin’ cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end.

Author Unknown

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,
“Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the
river.”
The little girl said, “No, Dad. You hold my hand.”
“What’s the difference?” Asked the puzzled father.
“There’s a big difference,” replied the little girl.

“If I hold your hand and something happens to me,
chances are that I may let your hand go.
But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,
you will never let my hand go.”

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in
its bond.

So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting
them to hold yours…

One of my teachers had each one of us bring a clear plastic bag and a
sack of potatoes. For every person we’d refuse to forgive in our life,
we were told to choose a potato, write on it the name and date, and
put it in the plastic bag. Some of our bags, as you can imagine, were
quite heavy.

We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week,
putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next
to our desk at work.

The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear what a weight
we were carrying spiritually, and how we had to pay attention to it
all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing
places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty
slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our
pain and heavy negativity!

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and
while that’s true, it clearly is also a gift for ourselves!

So the next time you decide you can’t forgive someone, ask yourself…

Isn’t MY bag heavy enough?

Author Unknown

Two friends were walking through the desert. In a specific point of
the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other
one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but…without
saying anything, wrote in the sand:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to
take a
bath. The one who got slapped and hurt started drowning, and the other
friend saved him. When he recovered from the fright, he wrote on a
stone:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

The friend who saved and slapped his best friend, asked him “Why,
after I hurt you, did you write in the sand, and now you write on a
stone?”

The other friend, smiling, replied, “When a friend hurts us, we should
write it down in the sand, where the winds of forgiveness get in
charge of erasing it away, and when something great happens, we should
engrave it in the stone of the memory of the heart, where no wind can
erase it.”

Learn to write in the sand.

An emperor in the Far East was growing old and knew it was time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or his children, he decided something different.

He called young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, “It is time for me to step down and choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you.”

The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. “I am going to give each one of you a seed today, one very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next emperor!”

One boy named Ling was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the story. She helped him get a pot and planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully.

Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about 3 weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. 3 weeks, 4 weeks, 5 weeks went by. Still nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants but Ling didn’t have a plant, and he felt like a failure. 6 months went by; still nothing in Ling’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing.

Ling didn’t say anything to his friends. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow. A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection.

Ling told his mother that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot but his Mother said he must be honest about what happened. Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his Mother was right.

He took his empty pot to the palace. When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other youths. They were beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, “Hey nice try.”

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the emperor. “Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!”

All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. “The emperor knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!”

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. “My name is Ling,” he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down.

He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, “Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!” Ling couldn’t believe it. Ling couldn’t even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds, which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you.

Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!”

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory.
If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
If you plant openness, you will reap intimacy.
If you plant patience, you will reap improvements.
If you plant faith, you will reap miracles.

But:

If you plant dishonesty, you will reap distrust.
If you plant selfishness, you will reap loneliness.
If you plant pride, you will reap destruction.
If you plant envy, you will reap trouble.
If you plant laziness, you will reap stagnation.
If you plant bitterness, you will reap isolation.
If you plant greed, you will reap loss.
If you plant gossip, you will reap enemies.
If you plant worries, you will reap wrinkles.
If you plant sin, you will reap guilt.

So be careful what you plant now, it will determine what you will reap tomorrow.

The seeds you now scatter will make life worse or better your life or the ones who will come after. Yes, someday, you will enjoy the fruits, or you will pay for the choices you plant today.