No one believes seniors . . .  everyone thinks they are senile.

An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.
The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had
moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school.
I t was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk
they’d shared where Andy had carved ‘I love you, Sally.’

On their way back ho me , a bag of money fell out of
an armored car, practically landing at their feet.
Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure
what to do with it, they took it home.
There, she counted the money:
fifty-thousand dollars!

Andy said, ‘We’ve got to give it back.’

Sally said, ‘Finders keepers.’

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood
looking for the money and knocked on the door.

‘Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag
that fell out of an armored car yesterday?’

Sally said, ‘No.’

Andy said, ‘She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.’

Sally said, ‘Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.’

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.

One says: ‘Tell us the story from the beginning’

Andy said, ‘Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . ..’

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, ‘We’re outta here.’

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband to ‘Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin’.

‘What?’ said the puzzled groom.

‘How can that be possible if you’ve been married ten times.?’

‘Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he just kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me..
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. .

Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was …
God I miss him.

‘But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited’.
‘Wonderful’, said the husband, ‘but why?
To which she replied,
‘You’re with the ‘GOVERNMENT‘ . ..
This time I KNOW I’M gonna get SCREWED.

“Our wedding entrance dance to Forever…yeah, forever. It took place at a Church in Saint Paul, Minnesota.”
- The Kheinz

Song: Forever
Songwriters: Brown, Christopher M; Jones, Jamal Fincher; Merritt, Andre Darrell; Seals, Brian Kennedy

[Intro:]
1, 2, 3, 4…
Hey (eh)
Forever
Hey (eh)
Forever

[Verse 1:]
It’s you, and me
Movin’ at the speed of light into eternity (yeah)
Tonight, is the night
To join me in the middle of ecstasy
Feel the melody and the rhythm of the music around you (around you)

[Bridge:]
Ima take you there, Ima take you there
So don’t be scared, I’m right here, you ready
We can go anywhere
Go anywhere
But first, it’s your chance
Take my hand
Come with me

[Chorus:]
It’s like I waited my whole life
For this one night
It’s gon be me you and the dance floor
Cuz we only got one night
Double your pleasure
Double your fun
And dance forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever (forever)
Ever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever on the dance floor

[Verse 2:]
Feels like were on another level (ohh ahh)
Feels like our loves intertwine
We can be two rebels
Breakin’ the rules
Me and you
You and I
All you gotta do is watch me
Look what I can do with my feet, baby
Feel the beat inside
I’m drivin’, you could take the front seat (front seat)
Just need you to trust me (trust me)
Girl girl girl
It’s like now

[Chorus:]
It’s like I waited my whole life (oh)
For this one night (one night)
It’s gon be me you and the dance floor (dance floor)
Cuz we only got one night (ohh)
Double your pleasure
Double your fun (yeah)
And dance forever ever ever (ohh)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever (forever)
Ever ever ever (ever)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever ever ever (ever)
Forever on the dance floor

[Verse 3:]
It’s a long way down
We so high off the ground
Sendin’ for an angel to bring me your heart
Girl where did you come from?
Got me so undone
Gazin’ in your eyes got me sayin’
What a beautiful lady
No ifs ands or maybes
I’m releasin my heart
And it’s feelin’ amazing
There’s no one else that matters
You love me
And I wont let you fall girl
Let you fall girl (ahh ohh oh oh yeah)
Yeah, I wont let you fall
Let you fall
Let you fall (ohh ohh)
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah

[Chorus + Ad Libs:]
It’s like
It’s like I waited my whole life (whole life)
For this one night (one night)
It’s gon be me you and the dance floor (me you and the dance floor)
Cuz we only got one night
Double your pleasure
Double your fun
And dance forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever
Ever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever ever ever
Forever on the dance floor

[Outro:]
Ohh oh oh oh oh oh ohhh yeah
Forever ever ever ever
Forever ever ohh

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, ‘Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.’

Esther always replied, ‘I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars’

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, ‘Esther, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.’

To this, Esther replied, ‘Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.’

The pilot overheard the couple and said, ‘Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you! But if you say one word, it’s fifty dollars.’

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, ‘By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!’

Morris replied, ‘Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!’

Hope is a walking Dream….with love everything is possible.

An incredible love story has come out of China recently and managed to touch the world… It is a story of a man and an older woman who ran off to live and love each other in peace for over half a century.

The 70-year-old Chinese man who hand-carved over 6,000 stairs up a mountain for his wife has passed away in the cave which has been the couple’s home for the last 50 years. Over 50 years ago, Liu Guojiang a 19 year-old boy, fell in love with a 29 year-old widowed mother named Xu Chao in…

In a twist worthy of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, friends and relatives criticized the relationship because of the age difference and the fact that Xu already had children.

At that time, it was unacceptable and immoral for a young man to love an older woman.. To avoid the market gossip and the scorn of their communities,the couple decided to elope and lived in a cave in Jiangjin County in Southern ChongQing Municipality.

In the beginning, life was harsh as hey had nothing, no electricity or even food. They had to eat grass and roots they found in the mountain, and Liu made a kerosene lamp that they used to light up their lives.

Xu felt that she had tied Liu down and repeatedly asked him, ‘Are you regretful? Liu always replied, ‘As long as we are industrious, life will improve…’

In the second year of living in the mountain, Liu began and continued for over 50 years, to hand-carve the steps so that his wife could get down the mountain easily.

Half a century later in 2001, a group of adventurers were exploring the forest and were surprised to find the elderly couple and the over 6,000 hand-carved steps. Liu MingSheng, one of their seven children said, ‘My parents loved each other so much, they have lived in seclusion for over 50 years and never been apart a single day.

He hand carved more than 6,000 steps over the years for my mother’s convenience, although she doesn’t go down the mountain that much.’

The couple had lived in peace for over 50 years until last week. Liu, now 72 years, returned from his daily farm work and collapsed. Xu sat and prayed with her husband as he passed away in her arms. So in love with Xu, was Liu, that no one was able to release the grip he had on his wife’s hand even after he had passed away.

‘You promised me you’ll take care of me, you’ll always be with me until the day I died, now you left before me, how am I going to live without you?’

Xu spent days softly repeating this sentence and touching her husband’s black coffin with tears rolling down her cheeks.

In 2006, their story became one of the top 10 love stories from China , collected by the Chinese Women Weekly. The local government has decided to preserve the love ladder and the placed they lived as a museum. So, this love story can live forever.

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.

When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her,

“What did you steal?” She replied, “A can of peaches.”

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.

The judge then said, “I will then give you 6 days in jail.”

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said, “What is it?” The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It’s important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It’s important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It’s important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.

4. It’s important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be in it with you.

5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to
concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked
sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “In-laws.”

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many
words women use a
day… 30,000 to a man’s 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything
to men…
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you
can be so stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time.
“The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made
me beautiful so you
would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I
would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee
each morning.
The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up
first, and then we
don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around
here and you should
do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait
for my coffee.”
Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it
is in the Bible that
the man should do the coffee.”
Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the
top of several pages that it indeed says……….
“HEBREWS”

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each
other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would
need his wife to wake
him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the
first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, “Please
wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she
would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he
had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn’t wakened him, when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is
always a rough draft
Before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN
YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT

One of those chain letter types where we don’t really understand the idea of “threatening” someone for not doing what it says- forwarding it to an x number of people to spread the scare! We’ve been dead over a hundred times if we believed the consequence of any of the chain letters we received over the course of our lives. We’ve had suffered though bad luck after bad luck for not following any of the things it says. It’s absolute silliness!

It’s been around since we were kids- only then it was different; they were either mailed directly to you by post or left in pews in churches or sneaked in books in the library or just scattered anywhere in a public area. Now there’s emailing, it’s still around… with the immediacy of the internet, sending it is hassle-free- just one click of a button: send to all!

We say caveat to this!

________ o _______

This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received. Hope it works for you — and me!

Lotus Touts: You have 6 minutes

There’s some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you’re not superstitious. This Lotus Touts has been sent to you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so far.

Do not keep this message.

The Lotus Touts must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, ‘I love you,’ mean it.

FIVE. When you say, ‘I’m sorry,’ look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN! .. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, ‘Why do you want to know?’

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say ‘bless you’ when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

Now, here’s the FUN part!
Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve. 1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks

15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

Do not keep this message .

How is an inconsiderate husband defined?
-One who wins a trip to Disneyland and never takes his wife with him.

How does a man help with the household chores?
- By lifting his legs while you vacuum and placing the newspaper in the right place.

What’s 50-50 relationship for men?
- Women cook, men eat; women, clean, men throw their trash anywhere; women iron, men wrinkle.

What’s the only way to oblige a man to sit-ups?
- Place the remote control between his toes.