The world’s funniest joke is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and countries.

The History Channel eventually hosted a special on the subject.

The jokes

The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon show sketch by Spike Milligan, was submitted by Gurpal Gosall of Manchester:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” exclaims Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?” “Watson, you idiot!” he exclaims, “Somebody’s stolen our tent!”

While this was the top joke in the UK:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

 

Lifted from Wikipedia

Everyone should take 5 minutes to read this. It may save your life or love one’s life.

Crucial because of recent abductions
in daylight hours,refresh yourself
of these things to do
in an emergency situation…
This is for you,
and for you to share
with your wife,
your children,
everyone you know.
After reading these 9 crucial tips ,
forward them to someone you care about
It never hurts to be careful
in this crazy world we live in

1 Tip from Tae Kwon Do :

The elbow is the strongest point
on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans

If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse,
DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM Toss it away from you….
chances are that he is more interested
in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go
for the wallet/purse.
RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car,
kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole
and start waving like crazy.

The driver won’t see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,
eating, working, etc, and just sit (doing their checkbook,
or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS!)

The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity
for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head,
and tell you where to go.
AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR ,
LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

a. If someone is in the car
with a gun to your head

DO NOT DRIVE OFF,
repeat:
DO NOT DRIVE OFF!

Instead gun the engine and speed into anything,
wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you.
If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it .
As soon as the car crashes bail out and run.
It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5 A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

A.) Be aware:
look around you,
look into your car,
at the passenger side floor ,
and in the back seat

B..) If you are parked next to a big van,
enter your car from the passenger door .
Most serial killers attack their victims
by pulling them into their vans
while the women are attempting
to get into their cars.

C..) Look at the car
parked on the driver’s side
of your vehicle,
and the passenger side.
If a male is sitting alone
in the seat nearest your car,
you may want to walk back
into the mall, or work,
and get a guard/policeman
to walk you back out.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator
instead of the stairs.
(Stairwells are horrible places
to be alone and the perfect crime spot.
This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN!

The predator will only hit you
(a running target) 4 in 100 times;
And even then, it most likely
WILL NOT be a vital organ.
RUN, Preferably! in a zig -zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying
to be sympathetic: STOP

It may get you raped,
or killed.
Ted Bundy,
the serial killer,
was a good-looking,
well educated man,
who ALWAYS played
on the sympathies
of unsuspecting women.
He walked with a cane,
or a limp,
and often asked
“for help”
into his vehicle
or with his vehicle,
which is when he abducted
his next victim.

************* Here it is *******

9. Another Safety Point:

Someone just told me that her friend heard
a crying baby on her porch the night before last,
and she called the police because it was late
and she thought it was weird.

The police told her “Whatever you do,
DO NOT open the door.” The lady
then said that it sounded like the baby
had crawled near a window, and she was worried
that it would crawl to the street
and get run over. The policeman said,
“We already have a unit on the way,
whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.”
He told her that they think a serial killer
has a baby’s cry recorded and uses it to coax
women out of their homes thinking that someone
dropped off a baby He said they have not verified it,
but have had several calls by women saying that
they hear baby’s cries outside their doors
when they’re home alone at night.

Please pass this on and DO NOT
open the door for a crying baby —-
This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because
the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on
America ‘s Most Wanted this past Saturday
when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana

I’d like you to forward this to all the women you know.
It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed
by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only,
but guys, if you love your mothers, wives,
sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to
pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded
that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it
and it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Everyone should take 5 minute to read this. It may save your life or love one’s life.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them, He’ll clean them.

George Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”

He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.”

George said, “Okay.”

He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot them.” and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

(True Story) I LOVE IT! Don’t mess with old people

Live well, laugh often, love much !!!

INFORMATION EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW……………………

Blood Clots/Stroke – They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, the Tongue

I will continue to forward this every time it comes around!

STROKE: Remember the 1st Three Letters…. S.T.R.

My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word.
I agree.  If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Seriously..

Please read:

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall – she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.

They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening

Ingrid ‘s husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital – (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don’t die. they end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this…

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke…totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Thank God for the sense to remember the ’3′ steps, STR . Read and Learn!

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(i.e. It is sunny out today)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke ——– Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another ‘sign’ of a stroke is this: Ask the person to ‘stick’ out his tongue.. If the tongue is ‘crooked’, if it goes to one side or the other, that is also an indication of a stroke.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

I have done my part. would you?